The Insane Adventures of Gordon Seamus O’Connor III vol. 1

Prologue-

This is a story all about how my life got flippered upside down, so take a minute and sit the hell down James, our boats about to tip this shit ain’t a damn game! Can you pass me that RPG over there? I’ll kill the damn beast this time or my name isn’t Gordon Seamus O’Connor III the greatest fisherman to ever live!

Chapter 1

Genesis of a Fisherman

It was a cloudy day overhead, it always is since the accident. The year is 2120, and just 30 years ago this world fell to the greatest nuclear holocaust anyone could have imagined. However, it wasn’t a war that wiped out most of our race. It was mankind’s need for unity and electricity that led to it’s downfall. We rebuilt quickly with what we had and with the technology we developed before the holocaust, we were able to clean much of the radiation and purify the atmosphere. But unfortunately most of the world’s nations were destroyed in the blast and the amount of people left alive, at least where I live are, in the low thousands at best. I myself, am one of the last of my clan left alive. And one of the few lucky ones not to have died from radiation poisoning, or mutated into some hideous monstrosity that would make the devils dick hard.

No I am still normal, and absurdly lucky. Much of our technology was destroyed in the blast but what was spared saved our lives. Luckily the governments of the world had devised a plan in case this were to happen. Although untested, since there was no way to test it at the time on a global scale, it was merely a precaution. But to me it doesn’t matter. The governments clearly knew this could happen and they doomed us all with it. Globalism led to the destruction of the entire world and now we must face the consequences of those with more power than they had brains. Although much of their kind was killed off in the initial blast. They couldn’t keep away from their creation, no they were too proud. Far too prideful not to visit it and keep and eye on it. But none of that matters now. We all must live with the sins of our daft leaders. We will live on and make a new society, learning from the mistakes of fools with too much power.

The destruction caused much of the world’s soil to become unfertile. Land creatures for the most part have died off or mutated, unable to be saved before the radiation got to them. We realized however, that creatures of the water still remained untouched. The radiation had yet to affect them and the fallout that had made contact with the water was quickly cleaned up by our high powered water filtration systems, capable of cleaning the world’s oceans via backup generators. We live purely on fish now, waiting for the nitrogen in the soil to one day return. You see we may have removed the radiation but the fertility of the soil was ruined. We now live on fish, and seaweed. There is no other food source, so it was either we eat the fish, or we die. We were already eating the fish so most of us saw it as a clear choice. For those who refused, well let’s just say Darwinism is a bitch.

My name is Gordon Seamus O’connor III. I spend my days fishing after rebuilding our small town in Scottland. We live off the Loch Ness now. It used to barely contain any fish but luckily a mass restocking, and a 40 year fishing prohibition from, 2040 till 2080, allowed the Loch Ness to regain a massive eco-system of creatures. It is now densely populated with more fish than our small village could catch and eat in 1000 years based on repopulation rates of the fish.

Now we must rebuild Scottland, I have a dream to make it what the USA used to be, a superpower. One that will take this world in the right direction. But until then I must prove myself to my own Village and show them we can work together towards such a goal. And this time we won’t screw it all up. Till that day I will keep working as a fisherman proving my metal to the townsfolk. After all, like dogs, the town won’t bite the hand that feeds them, right?

Chapter 2

An Exodus From Down Below

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep… wake up it’s 5AM. Ah shut the hell up ya stupid piece of junk! I yelled in a Grog. My stupid alarm waking me up, I was in the middle of a damn good dream ya little shit! Oh, whatever, it’s time to get to work. I drudge myself out of my bed towards the kitchen and see my wife Ella making my coffee for me. Gordon, what the hell are ya in there making a ruckus for? Don’t ya know the neighbors are sleeping! Not everyone is a damn fisherman like you! Ella scowled at me. Well you’re one to talk woman! Why don’t you take your own advice once in awhile and quit your squawking! You’re like a damn pheasant! She looked back at me with a face half angry and half laughing as she brought me my breakfast. Ey, woman, where’s me rum an ketum? You know I like to get my day started off right? She looked over from the counter at me and said, Gordon you know you haven’t had rum in a year, ketum is one thing but the drink you ain’t getting ever again!

I knew that, I said. Just yanking your chain woman. She gave me my ketum. Something we borrowed from the Thai. They used it to get through long days of labor for little pay and it has been a miracle for menial tasks. I ate it and downed my breakfast. I gave Ella a kiss and walked out the door. We lived on the Loch in the old castle, having taken it as our home after the holocaust. One of the few buildings left standing. We rebuilt it from it’s ruins and now use it as our home. We have a son, 15 years old named Jameson that occasionally accompanies me on my trips but he he has school today so he won’t be coming along. Education is more important than ever these days. We can’t rebuild if the next generation is a bunch on stupid morons. I remember back when schools taught things that you could just ignore. The curriculums are definitely different now. What they teach these days could be the difference between life and death so the schools have become far stricter than they used to be.

I grabbed my tackle, rods, and nets and loaded my fishing boat. I have a great one. I call it the the Super Strong Bastard or SSB for short. The ship is godly and equipped with just about anything a ship could need. It can even take a torpedo to the hull and is damn near unsinkable. After all I did pick it up off the coast from a fallen US Navy crew. Luckily the ships temporary levitation system was still active at the time and I was able to steer it into the Loch. After that the ships levitation system was rendered inoperable and I have made no attempts to fix it. If I did what’s left of the US may not be too happy with me and attempt to steal the ship back. We can’t have that now can we? Without that system the ship stays in the Loch and no one can take it from me. It is feeding our village after all.

I piled my gear on board, manned the cockpit of my 50,000lbs. Vessel and took off leaving my spare dingy on the docks. That was what I was fishing in before I got my hands on this beauty of a ship. I took off at 40 knots, the Emdrive style microwave generator whirring in the background as it quietly powered the ships on board thrusters. It wasn’t even 6AM yet and it was still dark out. I searched my fish finder for the most desne areas of fish, eventually picking a good spot. I set my lines up along with a couple trawler nets and went to work. There are some large ones in here. Some catfish that were imported have grown up to 900lbs. and sometimes more. Catching one of these bad boys can feed the entire town for a night. They are some real monsters and what I aim for when I go out fishing for the day.

This however, turned out to be a morning like no other. I sat down in my lounge chair as I waited for a bite and lit my favorite Cuban cigar. The water was calm, the sky was clear for once. Odd I thought, I haven’t seen a clear sky in ages. Usually cleansed fallout clouds filled it. The cleansing system must have finally cleared those away. Good, I thought to myself. Bored I took out my stash of old erotic Manga, and started to read. reminiscing back to when I used to debate with my friends over which anime girl was the hottest. When all of a sudden I heard a loud beeping and a weird wailing noise coming from the control room. Weird I thought to myself, what the hell could that be? I dropped my manga back in it’s hidey hole and went to go check. I was not prepared for what I was about to see on my scanners.

The sonar showed a massive body swimming 600 feet below me, a body that made the SSB look miniscule, and it was moving. Something I had never seen in the Loch before. I suddenly knew that what I was seeing was no catfish. I checked my fish finder, capable of showing me exact imagery of the life under the Loch’s surface, and I saw something horrific. A massive creature the size of at least 2 of my ships hanging, out directly beneath the boat, barely moving. The creature was shaped like no fish I had ever seen before. It almost looked prehistoric. I knew then and there I wasn’t equipped to handle a creature like that. It wasn’t attacking me, but it definitely freaked me out. I have spent years on these waters, how haven’t I seen this creature before? How was something this large able to avoid my ships onboard systems for this long? And why did it choose to appear now? I linked my ships fishfinder and sonar to my digital watch and created a hologram of both. I muted the beeping and heard nothing but the wailing of the creature coming through my hydrophone. It was intense, and all I could hear. I went back to the deck and saw one of my rods being tugged on hard. I thought to myself, that has to be a fish, a creature like I just saw would have either broke the rod or cut my line. I was using 550lbs. braided test line and a strong baitcaster rod meant for saltwater fishing. It may be tough and even sufficient for a 900lbs. catfish with the right skillset; but for a beast like I just saw it wouldn’t stand a chance. If my line didn’t break, my rod would straight away, so I knew I didn’t hook the creature. What I had was likely a catfish or another one of the large species that live in these waters. I began to reel it in. Fighting my hardest and working to get my line attached to the hydraulic reeling machine, and crane to pull the fish in. I fought it for a good 40 minutes and when it got to the surface I saw it. A massive 7 foot long Mekong giant catfish. I tried to get it over to the crane to get it out of the water, but as I started to pull the rod towards the crane and the fish lost the last of its fighting wind, I saw something large in the distance begin to emerge from the water.

All of a sudden my watch starts going crazy showing that the massive beast I saw earlier was surfacing. Oh shit, I thought to myself. What is going on? I watched for about 20 seconds as a massive head shaped like nothing I have ever seen before rose to the surface. It opened it’s massive mouth to reveal 3 rows of incredibly sharp looking teeth. I couldn’t believe my eyes as a long neck followed the already massive head up to the surface and approached my ship. At this point I was freaking out, and the only thing I could think was, “I am a deadman aren’t I?” The creature approached fast with more of it’s fattening body coming up out of the water. It was about to take a bite out of my ship! I screamed at the top of my lungs as the creature came down from the sky towards the boat, “Leave me alone foul beast, I have done nothing to you!” It got within feet of my boat and all of a sudden changed coarse downward right before eating part of the ship and me along with it. It dived back down and as it did I heard a snap. I checked the water after it’s decent. My catfish, it was gone. The creature ate my catch! And worse yet my line was cut as though someone had taken a razor to it. No longer was I scared, but rather I was angry! I went to grab my .500 magnum out from my tacklebox and shot 6 rounds into the water. I knew it was pointless. The creature had took my catch. Thinking about it I am glad he didn’t take me as well. All of a sudden a large rumbling occurred just below the surface. Large waves appeared, followed by the creature that made a massive jump on full display out of the Loch Ness, and nearly knocked over my entire vessel. I had already reloaded and fired 6 more shots off at it as fast as I could. I watched as every shot bounced off the body of the creature and ricochetted off into the water. What was this creature made of? Diamonds? I looked at my watch and watched as the creature descended back to the deep, directly beneath us. Then just as soon as it came, it vanished without a trace, as if it was never there in the first place.

Shaken up I knew I couldn’t go back empty handed so I kept fishing until finally, I had caught two giant catfish just like the earlier one. They may have been slightly smaller but not by enough to be that noticeable. I took my catch, lit another cigar, and sailed my ship back to the docs where I was greeted by Williamson and Darren. They helped me unload my catch, paid me for them, and I barely said a word for awhile. This is unlike you, Darren said. Why the hell ain’t you speaking? You look like you’ve seen a bloody ghost! I stared back at Darren and Williamson and with a serious look of terror on my face told them, you won’t believe me even if I tell you. I wish what I saw was a ghost, this thing was far worse.

Chapter 3

The Leviticus of Men

Well Gordon, what the hell was it!? Williamson asked me. I looked back at him and said, you better gather the townsfolk. This is going to be big. Alright, Darren said. I’ll get everyone together, you’re a hero keeping us alive with your fishing skills for as long as you have. I’m sure they will listen to you. I looked back and said, I can only hope so. Williamson looked over after puffing his wooden pipe and with a smile said to me, “Ooohh cryptic, hahaha!”. If only he knew the half of it. Darren said he would need one hour to gather everyone and we’d meet at Booby’s Tavern. I took that time to grab the recordings of my instruments, and took them to the Tavern where I set up large monitors and attached them to the equipment to show everyone. Along with a microphone up on a small stage. It was going to be a large crowd after all.

The hour was up and everyone started pouring into the Tavern. As this happened I saw a poster hanging on one of the walls I hadn’t seen before. It read “John Willis Turner, 16 years old, MISSING, last seen swimming in Loch Ness about 15 miles up from River Ness, 15 days ago”. My blood ran cold as I read it. I didn’t know the boy well, only met him once, but I think I knew what might have happened to him. We needed to do something about it. Everyone sat down, and before I opened up about what I saw I had questions for the townsfolk. I looked around and made sure everyone was present. I asked, which of you lot are the parents of John Willis Turner? A man and woman stood up from their seats and said, we are. What is this about? Did you find our boy? I looked back at them with a solemn look, and said, not yet, but we’re looking. To help aid in our search I need to ask some questions if you don’t mind answering. The man replied, that’s fine, ask away. I said, when was that poster over there put up? The man replied, “my wife put it up last night about 7PM. We had a search party going but couldn’t find even a trace of him. We scanned every part of the Loch Ness but there wasn’t a trace remaining. There shouldn’t be anything in that part of the Loch big enough to eat him or cause damage. It is a shallow where mostly smaller fish hang out. We fear he may have ran away. We had an argument that day and he left to blow off steam in the Loch. He swims there all the time". I thought to myself, that is only 10 miles off from where I saw the creature. I then asked, do you know if the boy ate anything before he went swimming there? The mother of the boy then spoke, “Yes actually, we were eating dinner when the argument started. It was maybe an hour before he got in the water. We were eating catfish for dinner”. I stood in silence for a second, and finally after what felt like eternity, I said, “you aren’t going to like what I am about to say". A look of horror covered the parents faces, and shock filled the townsfolk. Tell us what you know Gordon! Yelled the father. Take a couple more sips of yer booze there, you’re going to need it. I took a deep breathe and continued on. I am afraid your boy may very well be sleeping in Davey Jone’s locker. Right after I said that the father screamed at me, “WHAT!? How the hell can you say something like that!?” His face filled with anger and rage. This is our son you’re talking about here! This isn’t a joke! The angry father yelled. I never said it was a damn joke now did I!? I am serious, I told them. When I was out on my boat earlier I saw something. Something I have never seen before in the waters of the Loch, or any waters for that matter. A creature I never thought could exist. Something bigger than my boat the SSB. It damn near sank my vessel this morning, and it stole the first catfish I caught right off the line! It had 3 rows of teeth, and was at least double the size of my ship!

You lie! One of the townsfolk said. The parents now in tears, unable to speak any further. Get off the stage you old drunk! Someone else yelled. Shut tha’ hell up, all of ya! I yelled. I have proof. “You have proof?” one of the townsfolk yelled. Well let’s see it then! Alright I said. I thought you’d never ask! No seriously, I thought you crazy schmucks were about to start throwing tomatoes or something at me. Look, I have sonar, fishfinder, and hydrophone readings all of the creature. Look at the screen. I have laid a tablet at each of your tables so you can all get a good look at the thing that nearly sank my boat this this morning.

Suddenly the crowd went silent. They stared at their tablets and the realization that I was telling the truth came to them when they started watching the footage. That was at least, until the end of it. There was a part of that footage that may have been too unbelievable. The disappearance of a creature that large. When the footage reached it’s end another man stood up and yelled “You think you’re real funny don’t ya?! A real court jester we’ve got over here don’t we!?” What the hell are you talking about I said? You saw the damn footage! It’s right there on 3 different arrays of instruments! How is that not proof!? The man yelled back, “How does a creature that massive just dissappear out of nowhere!? We heard what sounded like gunshots on your hydrophone and next thing we know the creature is gone! That ain’t bleedin’ possible!” The man said. I looked back with a look of shock on my face and said, “I assure you I did not fake this. How would I even do that?” I looked back my face now blank with confusion. Oi, don’t lie and make jokes out of missing people you old fool! Ain’t we got enough hardship without you making up stories of fish monsters to scare the town! Another man yelled. Come on everyone, let’s go, Gordon is losing his mind. Stick with catching food for us old man. You ain’t good at spinning the yarn of tall tales.

Everyone left the Tavern except over in the corner, a man with a long gray beard, a pipe, and a white sailors cap, old and slim built, sat in a corner drinking what seemed to be Scotch. I was picking all my equipment up when he beckoned me to come over to his table. I walked over there. Sit down, he said to me. Ohohoho! Ain’t it funny lad, just how quick these people will bite the hand that feeds them? These people wouldn’t last a day on the Loch Ness fishing in these waters. It ain’t what it used to be, how they remember it. Catching the fish you catch takes serious skill. I looked back at him and said thank you. He smiled and looked intently at me. Then he said nine words that shook me to my core. “You ain’t the first to have seen it ya know?” What? I said. How is that possible? I have been fishing the Loch for almost 30 years now, every single day, and this is the first I’ve seen of it. What do you mean other people have seen it? I said in a low tone of voice. Oh yes he said. Far, far more than just you. This town doesn’t remember, but I certainly do. I am 85 years old boy, you’re only 53, to me you’re a spring chicken! But yes I am old enough to remember it. There is a legend about these waters boy. A legend that goes back as far as the 1500s and even before that! What’s the legend I asked? He looked at me with the most serious expression I think I have ever seen, and said in a menacing tone, “The Legend of the Loch Ness Monster!”

Chapter 4

A Legend Lost to Numbers

I sat there in my seat with a confused look on my face. What? I said to the old man. If it’s such an old legend why haven’t I heard of it? The old man looked back at me, laughed and said, “You may need a drink for this my boy, why don’t you ask the bartender for a scotch?” I responded, no thanks, my wife won’t let me drink anymore. I can still take ketum but that’s it. The old man looked back and said, well you better take a hefty dose of that then because what I am about to tell you will shake you to your core. Alright I said, I did as he asked, I wanted some anyway after the shit I just dealt with I needed it. How much crazier could things possibly get? I took my ketum and lit a cigar. So tell me, what is there to know about this legend? I asked him. He looked at me after refilling his pipe and lighting it, then began to speak. There is a lot to it he said as he pulled out a piece of stone tablet from his bag. What is that? I asked. A rock? That’s exactly what it is! He said. Look at it. From the looks the rock was extremely old and had something strange carved in it. It was whethered and torn but well preserved. Tell me lad, what do you see? I stared the rock for a second and what I saw shocked me. A long serpent like creature was inscribed onto the rock. What am I looking at? I said. He looked back and said, “one of the first recorded sightings of the Loch Ness Monster".

I stared in shock. Just how old is that tablet? I asked him. He laughed, far older than you and I, that much is for certain. This was carved by the Pict and is one of 300 stone carvings they left behind. It was made somewhere between the 6th and 9th century. The beast is old lad. And it’s definitely not the only one in the Loch. I laughed, alright so you have a rock. Anything else you got for me? He looked back at me with a sharp, somewhat irritated glare, why of course, he said. He pulls a stack of photographs out of his pocket and starts to show them to me. The Legend goes back over a thousand years he said. But there have been much more recent sightings over the years. A variety of photographs were taken back in the 1900s and early 2000s. Some fake, some real. This first one is reported to be a fake, they call it the doctor’s photo. It may be fake but it is of great importance. Why I asked? Because at the time, it got people to start paying more attention to the Loch. All eyes were on it just waiting for a chance to see this creature surface. These next few photos are real. Tell me, is this similar to what you saw? He shows me three more photos after the fake.

(The first photo shown here, the doctor’s photo, is the fake, the rest are genuine.)

This is what you saw, ain’t it boy? He said to me. I was in disbelief. Yeah, that’s it alright. It looks much smaller in these photographs though. How is that possible? I asked. I have a theory on that, the old man said. Well, two theories actually. The first is that these pictures were taken well over 150 years ago so it is likely that the monsters have grown larger with age. Although what you saw is almost impossible levels of growth even for a giant monster like Nessie. Nessie? I asked? It’s a nickname people used to call the monster said the old man. He continued on, “my second theory is much more probable". What do you mean I said? He sipped his scotch. Well you know the accident that almost ended this world right? I replied, of course I do. I lived through it. The accident of Antartica was the worst man-made accident ever. A reactor that big never should have existed! Thinking they could power the whole world without risk, it’s like they forgot the horrors of Chernobyl. The old man looked at me with a solemn expression. Don’t you think it’s odd how you can remember something like Chernobyl, something that happened in another country, but you and everyone else don’t remember a legend from their own backyard? The old man said. Well it’s a key piece of world history, I said. Censorship, he laughed. Well, what’s more important is this. I am pretty sure some of that radiation made it into the water and affected the monsters before the clean-up. He said. I looked back at him. What are you talking about? Wouldn’t all the fish just die of radiation poisoning? He chuckled, you would think that. In reality no. In fact, in some creatures it’s quite the opposite. I have another photo to show you. He pulled another photo out of his pocket. This one is of a catfish from the Chernobyl cooling pond. You spend all day, every day fishing for these in the Loch right? Tell me Gordon, what’s wrong with this picture?

I looked intently at the photo. I, I can’t believe it… It’s bloody mutated! How is it still alive!? I said. Exactly, Gordon now tell me, when a reactor big enough to power the world explodes and some of the radiation makes It’s way to these already giant creatures, what do you think the result is going to be? I swallowed and said, that much seems obvious. A growth unlike anything seen in a freshwater creature before it. Yes, the old man said. And this creature is carnivorous, and worse yet, said to be amphibious. Now they haven’t left the Loch because there is an abundance of food.

Why do you think the government mandated the 40 year fishing prohibition, and wasted billions restocking the Loch? He asked. You mean they knew!? I said. Damn right they knew, he replied. They knew because the creatures before this were causing problems for those that went swimming in the Loch, or even hung out around it. If you bled or ate a meal next to the waters at that time, your fate was basically sealed, he said. The fish they stocked those waters with weren’t meant for us to live on. They were meant to keep the monsters full and off dryland. We are robbing the monsters of their food source by trying to stay alive. I looked back at him and said, what the hell are we supposed to eat then? He looked at me and said, I have just the thing. He handed me a bag of pills. You won’t be able to make these right away, but one pill will keep a person full for 3 days. They are food pills. Hand these out to the town and get Dr.McGreggor reverse engineer the ingredients. I looked at the old man, “huh?” I said. Don’t ask questions he barked. Just take my advice. Go get all the weapons you can. The biggest and strongest ones you can get your bleedin’ hands on! You will need to fish this creature up to the surface. As you figured out earlier, the giant Mekong catfish are a favorite of the creatures. Simply rig one of those up on a huge hook with the strongest gear you can find. Preferably a crane on your ship the SSB. Your ship will barely be able to handle this fight. The skin of the creatures is like diamonds, something you figured out earlier when your .500 magnum failed to penetrate it, but a well placed RPG, missile, or laser right to the eye can kill the creature. The creature is edible if you can clean it, you will have food for months if you freeze it, the old man said. How do you know all of this? Who are you? What’s your name? I asked in a confused panic. The old man looked at me and said, my name is the General. I’m here to help you. Kill one of these creatures on your own and bring it back to town. Even a smaller one will do. Just do it quickly. It is the only way to get the townsfolk on board. If you don’t, more people will die, just like John Willis Turner, and yes, the creatures did kill him. Don’t try to convince the town without a body. The Legend died over the years, the number of years past was too great. When the creature stopped coming to the surface people forgot the legend even existed, and the government of Scotland locked all the evidence up in a vault well before the explosion of the Arctic reactor. I was able to get it all back from a vault left unguarded and heavily damaged a long time ago, since the government is basically dead and all. The evidence I have shown you, keep it, if it helps to even convince one other person of the legend it may be useful in helping you to get someone to help in killing one of the creatures. You will need all the help you can get. The old man paused for a moment after telling me this and finally continued. That’s all I can say. You will have to figure the rest out on your own. I’ll come back later when the time comes to check up on your progress. Goodbye for now Gordon. Wait, where are you going I said? The old man looked at his watch and pressed a button. He suddenly started glowing white, and immediately vanished leaving behind the evidence of the monsters. The bartender looked over at me and said, “oi, you better be paying for the old man’s tab! He drank all the scotch we had in stock!”. I looked back at the table in disbelief… But… General who?

To be continued in Chapter 5 in Vol.2

Gordon’s Deuteronomy Begins

Coming out 8/13/2021